dance!

get involved!

"Tell me and I forget,
teach me and I remember,
involve me and I learn."
-- Benjamin Franklin

petty minds, petty cash.

write an essay using the above title.

what do those particular combination of words evoke for you?

be creative and post your essay(s) in the comments.

best one submitted gets $100.

(plus an improve something t-shirt).



to make it more worth your while to essentially goof off.

NOTE: you can submit as many essay versions as you like.

keep improving upon your original or try a completely new angle.

just make sure you use the the exact same title for every essay:

petty minds, petty cash.

this is a creativity thinger.

it's an attempt to make things better in some small way.

and you're perfectly free to participate.

you're also completely free not to.

so, whether you choose to be interesting, informative, entertaining, educational, moving, amusing, thought-provoking, inspiring, or some combination of these things, we challenge you to do your best to create something well-worth reading.

and if you write the best essay, you get $100 and a t-shirt!

it's a no-lose scenario, really.

because even if you don't end up getting the $100 and the t-shirt THIS week, if your essay is good, by posting it in our comments, you will likely interest this blog's readers into visiting your own blog.

and that could possibly somehow lead to fame and fortune for you as a writer!

was that even slightly convincing?

anyway...

...

NOTE: once the essays start coming in, all submitters and readers of this blog are invited to actively critique and debate which essay is best, after which we'll have a vote on it.

and the contributer who gets the most votes gets the $100 and the t-shirt!

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: while there's an excellent chance that i'll definitely abide by the popular vote (especially if the debates are sincere and the critiques are not total trollish nonsense), since i'm putting up the $100, i do reserve the right to override the vote and pick my own favorite. *

because my name is $Zero and i've earned that right.

and if you don't like those conditions, you can go fly a kite.

* based on what i believe to be the valid critiques presented by all of the debators.

...

anyway, whomever writes the best essay will not only get $100 and a t-shirt, they will also be invited to become a regular guest blogger here at pettyminds.com

AND they will be given the assignment of picking the next theme.

AND they will automatically get paid $50 for their own version of the _new_ theme (assuming they choose to participate in the new essay writing project -- the one which they have chosen the theme -- by creating the new mutually used title).

they'll also be eligible for the next $100 (and another t-shirt) should their essay be chosen by popular vote to be the best (yet again).

do the math.

this is surely going to become a great source of practical income for a few good writers who enjoy a good challenge.

MustReadBloggers.com

...

POLL -- how good is your attitude?

1. excellent!

2. pretty good

3. adequate

4. sub-standard

5. very VERY shitty


...

and how would you possibly know?

IOW: has your attitude been properly tested?

...

things that don't matter

as you get older and older (edging ever closer and closer to your very last moment in the rat race) the list of things that don't matter gets longer and longer, ironically enough.

because, when you were a child, you had no such list.

life is pretty amusing (in a tragic sort of way).

...

indeed, in the end (and all along the way) the list of things that truly don't matter gets increasingly elaborate and complex.

the petty stuff becomes clearer (and pettier), and yet, surprisingly, your own involvement in it all is far more comprehensive than you ever thought possible.

yes.

for instance, in all probability you're currently entangled in a big important pettiness and therefore unable to see the lush forest for the burned-out trees.

fortunately, it's not at all difficult to become acutely aware of all the things you're currently wasting your precious time on -- ridiculous obsessions and pointless activities that truly don't matter in the least bit.

all you have to do is this:

hold your breath.

yes, just like you did as a child (probably while in a bathtub or a pool).

seriously, try this experiment.

on the count of three, take a very deep breath... and hold it in... except, THIS time, instead of attempting your longest breath-holding endurance (or making childish demands), imagine that what you just took so deeply into your lungs was... your very last breath.

understand?

are you ready?

ok. here comes the count:

one...

two...

three/INHALE!

now, assuming that you're sincerely contemplating this as your actual very last breath ever, about four to five seconds in, true perspective will arrive.

and as the subsequent seconds mockingly tick by... and the pressure builds... the almost-comical list of things that obviously don't matter becomes _incredibly_ long and winding, like the proverbial road.

and yet, as long as that road surely is, it's a very short walk to reach enlightenment about the frightening enormity of the list of things that simply don't matter at all.

...



again, remember that, when you were a child, you had no such list.

because life is pretty amusing (in a tragic sort of way).

...

all of the silly battles.

and many of the pointless pursuits.

...

yet, when you were a child, even a trip to the idiotic circus could be a wonderful thing.

let alone all of the simple non-clownish joys you likely experienced.

like a race in the grass.

or a couple bags of marbles.

throwing balls back and forth.

playing cards.

an ice cream cone.

a blank piece of paper.

a couple of crayons.

a swim.

...

Love!

...

love like a child.

like a child who has grown up.

...

unfortunately, as the years pass from here on in, many of us will forget to love like a child who has grown up.

and on our deathbeds, as we're quietly fading to black, as the light grows dimmer and dimmer, as the sounds mute lower and lower, as we're weakly contemplating the final fade out... at that time, if we're not busy praying, we'll surely be recalling a few more things that just don't matter...

and then, suddenly, jumping up, now alert and strong, we'll boldly grab a pen and pad to desperately and resolutely jot down two or three MORE items -- adding them to our very own personalized, astonishingly huge, tragic list of things that just don't fucking matter!

because we are clowns.

we are stupid little clowns with big floppy feet and bright red noses.

...

why i hate youtube

mostly because of all the zillions of dead links.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3xP7cbawlI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y7XGJQKMXg



a blogger or other publisher finds some great clip, features it and/or writes about it, and sooner or later it's yanked for copyright violation or some such.

and fricken' youtube doesn't even have the decency to leave any of the non-copyright infringement stuff behind.

like the youtube comments, for instance.

or the title.

or the description.

or the keywords.

or who uploaded it.

nada.

makes me hate the internet. *

especially since eliminating all trace of the video (even the non-copyright infringement stuff) doesn't even benefit the copyright holder.

i mean, i can see how things could possibly get out of hand financially for the copyright holder if people were free to upload absolutely everything they wanted, but at the same time, i think most of the copyright owners are majorly overreacting.

especially since the youtube webcast quality is pretty low anyway.

i'd love to see somebody do a comprehensive spreadsheet on actual losses versus the possible gains for the copyright holder. i suspect that the pettiness would soon become graphically apparent. especially in regards to older stuff.

in my view, there ought to be a far less strict legally enforceable copyright policy on video clips that are older than two or three years.

i've seen youtube clips of _commercials_ yanked, FFS.

how silly is that?

extremely silly.

but assholes will be assholes.

...

* for tampering with recorded history, for one thing.

...

i both love and hate cordless keyboards

for instance, i love the lack of nuisance wires but i hate when the batteries go dead.

i feel stupid when that happens.

after all, wired keyboards never required me to keep feeding them with money every couple weeks or so.

i hate that.

the flexibility of grabbing the keyboard and putting it on my lap (or wherever else i feel like at any given moment) is wonderful.

and less clutter is always good.

but if i venture too far away from the cordless receiver, the typing becomes erratic.

i hate that.

...



and i both love and hate those tiny USB keyboard/mouse combo receiver units.

they're often little more than an inch long, which is fantastic, but they stick out of the computer like an accident waiting to happen -- especially on laptops (or when you use them on the front USB input of your non-laptop towers).

so, if they happen to break, there goes your mouse and keyboard (and by extension, the usefulness of your entire fucking computer system and software and printer, etc.).

and they never seem to sell those USB tiny combo receiver units separately.

i hate that.

and since the cordless receivers usually work better when plugged in to the front of your computer, they also end up hogging your front (most easily accessible) USB port while using it for something that is virtually mandatory instead of transitory.

i hate that.

there are many possible cheap solutions to these drawbacks, but the greedy (and/or stupid) fuckers haven't implemented them yet.

i hate that.

hmmm... maybe i hate cordless keyboards more than i love them.

but even if they were still for sale widely, i'd probably never buy another wired keyboard.

especially since i have about twenty of the broken fuckers laying around my office somewhere.

i hate that.

...

i love writing about the stuff i hate.

i hate that.

ok.

that's all for now on this cordless keyboard subject.

...

soap, shampoo, and water

these are the things of a shower

soap your skin

shampoo your hair

water water

everywhere

...

on your soapbox

to advertise

clickety clickety clack

to the bank

to amortize

flippety flippety flack

...

clean out the closets

clean out the cars

throw out the maps

for your trip to the stars

...

RINSE, REPEAT

...

these are the things of a shower

soap your skin

shampoo your hair

water water

everywhere

...

on your soapbox

to advertise

clickety clickety clack

to the bank

to amortize

flippety flippety flack

...

clean out the closets

clean out the cars

throw out the maps

for your trip to the stars

...

RINSE, REPEAT

...

these are the things of a shower

soap your skin

shampoo your hair

water water

everywhere

...

on your soapbox

to advertise

clickety clickety clack

to the bank

to amortize

flippety flippety flack

...

clean out the closets

clean out the cars

throw out the maps

for your trip to the stars

...

RINSE, REPEAT

...

these are the things of a shower

soap your skin

shampoo your hair

water water

everywhere

...

on your soapbox

to advertise

clickety clickety clack

to the bank

to amortize

flippety flippety flack

...

clean out the closets

clean out the cars

throw out the maps

for your trip to the stars

...

RINSE, REPEAT

...

these are the things of a shower

soap your skin

shampoo your hair

water water

everywhere

...

on your soapbox

to advertise

clickety clickety clack

to the bank

to amortize

flippety flippety flack

...

clean out the closets

clean out the cars

throw out the maps

for your trip to the stars

...

RINSE, REPEAT

...

questionless?

is that one word or two?

is it a state of being or a suggestion?

is it something to avoid or a worthwhile goal?

...